(This article originally appeared in the TAU-USA Spring 2025 Issue #115)
by Francine Gikow, OFS
Remember the King in scripture who invited many guests to a wedding banquet for his son, but they would not come? (Matt: 22) The guests were “too busy, had to take care of business, or were away on a trip.” Remember all the excuses? Sound familiar? This occurs in families even now.
I know a young woman with a similar experience. She had a small wedding due to limited finances (since both parents had died), and only two relatives attended her wedding along with the hosting aunt. Similar excuses were made – the “wedding was too far away,” “I can’t come,” and “I forgot!” There was no wedding shower since everyone assumed someone else was giving it, and no one saw it as their responsibility. As a result, it did not happen. The young woman was heartbroken.
Do we also give excuses for not “being there” for our family members? Do we assume others will be available and not get involved? In this example, no one did anything and only a few came to the wedding. The young woman, mourning the deaths of her parents, was left unsupported on her wedding day by her extended family.
For me, the first question is: do I see myself as a “minister” to my family, or am I taking my family for granted? Ministering to your family can be hard. It can open areas of historical hurt, wounds, and miscommunication. It may force you to change in ways you do not prefer. It takes courage to witness to God’s love in family relationships that are already broken, but “being there” is the first step!
How many times have we promised an elderly relative that we’ll visit them in a nursing home? Time passes and six months have elapsed between visits. Visiting a shut in, bringing a mercy meal, staying with a sick family member, picking up a child from school; all are ministries.
In addition, how we accompany family members is extremely important. Are we ready to support and be present to our family members, not by instructing them on what to do, but just being present and listening? The ministry of our “presence” speaks louder than any word we could utter. Sharing a person’s suffering is an invitation for growth, relationship and love for each other. It is relationship building at its best. Although distressing and uncomfortable at times, sharing in someone’s joys and sufferings means that we also share in Christ’s suffering and His resurrection.
Our presence for a family member can be an example of Christ being present to them as we stand in Jesus’ stead. Providing a small unrequested service brings hope and consolation to families in distress and lets them know they are not alone. It can provide an opening for forgiveness and reconciliation, and it is those small unidentified tasks given in love that bind up the wounds of a broken world.
Forgiveness is essential in any family and especially when we minister to our own. Perhaps we have seen families who hold grudges, do not forgive, and isolate certain family members due to past issues. However, this should not be the way for a Secular Franciscan. As our Rule states: Mindful that they are bearers of peace…they should seek out ways of unity and fraternal harmony with dialogue, trusting in the presence of the divine seed in everyone and in the transforming power of love and pardon. (Article19)
We should readily forgive and ask forgiveness for our own wrongful behavior. Is this easy? No, because it reveals our vulnerability, pride, flaws, and self-centeredness. However, as Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.” (Eph. 4:32)
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