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(This article originally appeared in the TAU-USA Spring 2025  Issue #115)

Are You Listening?

by Diane Menditto, OFS

National Vice Minister

Listen! ¡Escuchen!

If I have said that word once, I probably said it thousands of times during my thirty-five-year career as a Spanish teacher. The results varied each time the word was uttered in either language.

When I was asked to write an article on communication for this issue of the TAU-USA, I looked back at the many articles (most recently, a 2023 issue) and presentations I’ve given on the topic. An integral part of those sharings has been listening, which will be the main focus here. How we listen–not only with our ears, but with our eyes, our hearts, and our souls–affects who we are as Secular Franciscans, as family members, and as professionals in whatever field we find ourselves.

What kinds of listening require more than just ears? I’m glad you asked. I consulted Microsoft CoPilot to provide a list of the types of listening in both secular and religious settings. Interestingly, it came up with many of the same terms that I have spoken and written about over the years.

We have active listening, empathic listening, critical listening, and reflective listening. These show up in a classroom, business, medical office, repair shop, coffee shop, or supermarket. Active listening requires us to focus our eyes and ears on the speaker. We lean forward to look at and engage the other person. We need to concentrate on what is being said, and our body language (head nods, smiles) will tell the speaker that we hear and understand what is being said.

Empathic listening requires that our minds and hearts help us to feel what the speaker is saying whether we agree or not. Its cousin, reflective listening, often requires paraphrasing what the speaker is saying without injecting an opinion. These kinds of listening help us to build trust if our empathy and understanding are genuine. Critical listening puts the heart aside and keeps the brain well-engaged. We want to hear everything said, putting our emotions and opinions aside, to make the best decision for our family or our fraternity. This very often takes patience and humility.

Other types of listening that we find more often in fraternal and religious settings are contemplative, pastoral, communal, and discernment listening. Obviously, contemplative listening requires us to sit silently, listening for the Holy Spirit’s whisper. We listen to homilies, spiritual direction, and guidance given during reconciliation. In fraternity, we practice communal listening where the goal is the well-being of the fraternity and our spiritual growth. With discernment, we listen to what God is asking of us by asking the Holy Spirit to guide us, perhaps by listening to a trusted individual or spiritual director, reading our Rule, or reading the writings of our founder.

There are some other key things about listening that Artificial Intelligence forgot to list because it is not human! While listening to each other, we must listen to ourselves. Sometimes we stop paying attention to how we sound when we speak or write. We need to hear what our listeners’ body language tells us. The expression “read the room” is good advice. Knowing our audience, whether giving a talk, having a one-on-one conversation, or writing an email, is key to how our message will be received. Listening internally to how we say something is sometimes all that is necessary to avoid having a simple statement or comment become a contentious issue that can destroy the peace of the family or fraternity.

Listening well often means giving up control. It takes wisdom, patience, and humility to listen well. The Holy Spirit has given us these gifts, but it is up to us to use them.